step 1 - I folded my ipod headphones up in a nice neat way.
step 2 - I carefully placed the headphones in my pocket...being very careful not to ruin my very nice neat headphones.
step 3 - I very slowly sat down and stayed perfectly still for exactly 1 minute
step 4 - I slowly stood up and carefully removed the headphones from my pocket
THE HEADPHONES CAME OUT MORE TANGLED THAN A HIPPIES PUBIC HAIR...HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? After many sleepless nights of studying to find the answer to this mystery I have come to the conclusion that their is a pocket dimension where pocket goblin's live...waiting until your nice neat ipod headphones are placed into your pocket...THEN THEY TANGLE IT TO HELL.
Why do they do this? I dont know, but i intend to find out. I have attached my headphones to a mousetrap and am about to place it in my pocket...when i catch one of these little buggers It'll have some questions to answer...oh yes...questions.
- Location:the moon
- Music:queen
hey whats your favourite animal?
over the years I have been asked this question alot, and over the years my answers have changed alot, my first favouite animal was the dragon...SHUT UP I WAS 3, when I was about 6 my favourite animal then became the lion (my cousin told me they like to eat teachers) then when i was a little older my mum got me a puppy and the era of the dog began...then about an hour later I learned they like to poop and so the era of the dog ended. But over the years I'd say my favourite animal would be the duck...mainly because as a kid I lived about a 10 minute walk from a duckpond where I could feed them (plus i loved shows like ducktales, donald duck and daffy duck) so yeah my favourate animal is the duck...or at least it was
a few days ago I found this...
no your eyes do not decieve you, you are really looking at a fish with A FUCKING TRANSPARENT HEAD. At first i thought "photoshop...gotta be photoshop" but no apparently its real O_O
Now I know what your thinking "why the hell would a fish need a transparent head?" well aparntly it can roll its eyes into the back of its head to get a better range of vision...BY LOOKING THROUGH ITS OWN HEAD.
Seriously that has to be the coolest thing any animal can do, seriously any scientists who read this, quit working on the whole curing disease and unraveling the secrets of the universe thing and get to work on giving humans transparent heads. Or on second thought never mind you lot take too long, I'll do it myself, all i need to do is soak my head in invisible ink for a few days then use my fingers to push my eyes into the back of my head...i mean whats the worst that can happen?
- Mood:
moody
Ok so yesterday I started playing Twilight Princess again, and I noticed that the character name screen gives you just enough space to name your character "My Penis", now I diddnt name Link that because I always give him my regular old real name (yeah yeah I'm boring) so i decided to name the horse that instead, mainy because I liked the idea of cruising around Hyrule on my penis (dont ask), however I diddnt quite expect the dialogue the game throws at you to be so
Here's some of my favourates
Falo - "Hey, where's My Penis?"
Falo - "C'mon, now, hurry on up an' bring My Penis with you."
Falo - "Hey hey, where are you goin' without My Penis?"
Ilia - "Oh, hi, Link. I washed My Penis for you!"
Ilia - "Can you use a piece of grass to play that song for me? You know, the one that My Penis likes?"
Ilia - "My Penis looks happy. Well, she's all prettied up now, so I suppose you can ride her back. But don't you make her do too much, OK?"
Falo - "Sorry to ask, bud, but how's about you an' My Penis herd 'em into the barn real quick?"
Falo - "Dang, if it ain't a good thing y'all came! OK, then! Herd them goats into the barn with My Penis!"
Colin - "It's also the first day off in a while for My Penis, right? She must be happy..."
Beth - "Link, you should chase after them on My Penis!"
Falo - "Link? How could you! You were pushing My Penis too hard again!"
Mayor Bo - "What's a father to do...There's no way you'll be able to deliver our town's gift without My Penis..."
Mayor Bo - "Link, can't you find a way to get her to give back My Penis?"
and my personal favourate
Falo - "If y'all wanna get them goats back into the barn, then climb up onto My Penis an' holler at me."
have fun folks
p.s. Best Fan Fiction EVER
p.p.s. I dont know how THIS works but somehow it does
- Mood:nerdy
so quite alot has happened since my last post
first christmas came and went and a few of you have been asking what i got, well I hate to disappoint you but my presents (while good) wernt the most exiting things to write about (mostly clothes), at least that was the case until my granny turned up and kept her record of getting me really bizzare presents going, (last year she got me an inflatable bowling pin) this year she got me a 100 page comic called 'The Broons' which the front cover describes as "Scotland's happy family that makes every family happy" but unfortunatly i'll never know if this is true because all the characters inside speack with thick Scottish accents making it impossible to understand what any of the characters are talking about, but judgeing from the back cover I'd guess its some kind of Nazi propaganda from the late 1930's
I really wish i could think of a good pun for this...but i cant so heres a bad one instead
Santa - so what do you want for christmas little boy?
Hitler - Poland
anyway enough of that.
Time also brought an end to 2008 and with it George Bush's reign of terror...sorry did i say terror? I meant presidency. On a serious note part of me is sad to see him go, while history will always remember him as a woeful president no-one can deny that the guy was FUCKING FUNNY. And of couse the end of Bush brought with it the dawn of Obama, now while I'm not going to jump on the Obama bandwagon until he actually does anything, it was nice to see a black man become president, not for the racial implications but because it now means the world is one step closer to my dream of Samual L Jackson for president...seriously could you see any terrorists willing to mess with him after he tells them to "SHUT THE FUCK UP"? I dont think so. my favourate politician is still Boris Johnson though.
now without further adieu my stuff of the year
movie of the year: Iron Man - lets face it any movie that combines the music of ac/dc and black sabboth with the great acting of Robert Downy jr and shoves it into a marvel super hero story with plenty of awesome fight scenes with robots you cant really go wrong. not to mention it also had a cameo from future president Samual L Jackson...overall the movie in one word...awesome. Although I havnt seen 'The Dark Knight' yet so mabie it will change my mind. Even though i know it wont live up to the epic hights set by the best batman movie ever made.
Sporting moment of the year: Man Utd winning the champions league - with me being a United fan how could i pick anything else, brilliant not just for my team winning it but also for the way John Terry lost it.
Song of the year: none - seriously i cant think of a single good song from 2008...i mean the best selling song of 2008 was that very average X factor winner, singing a very average song averagely, the sad thing is the last time a good song was the christmas number 1 was back in 2003 and i cant see that changing until the X factor dies (which wont ever happen if Simon 'worship me and absurdly high trousers' Cowell has anything to say about it).Game of the year: no wait I've thought of of some good music that came out in 2008...this...yes i know i'm a huge nerd
Game of the year: umm - ok so i was all set to name Portal as my game of the year but after a quick bit of research i found out it actually came out late 2007 and not (as i thought) early 2008 so even as i write this i dont know what i'll pick...so heres my 2 of my favourates and i'll just pick one at the end
no more heroes - even if this isnt my game of the year it would easily be my unique game of the year, you play as all round cunt Travis Touchdown (yes that is his real name) an anime obsessed badass who buys a working lightsabre off ebay and sets off to become the worlds top ranked assasin so that a french girl will have sex with him......seriously and thats only the start of the weirdness, my weirdometre was reaching its peak round about the time that i was running through a movie studio when men with paper bags on their heads came out and started attacking me with road signs only to hear them scream "MY SPLEEN" when i unleash jedi style death upon them, and then my weirdometre was overflowing at the point when i was having a boss battle against a girl in a pink dress who uses a baseball bat to launch gimps from her gimp conveyor belt at you like a missile...also you save your game by taking a dump... i wish i could make stuff like this up. But dont be fooled this isnt simply a weird game, for a start this game has the best use of the wiimote since metroid prime 3 and the action is fast paced and fun throughout...as for flaws the open world moments where your running round the city are a bit dull and the UK version has the gore from the US version removed...it's not everyones cup of tea but overall this game is made of awesomeness
metal gear solid 4 - it feels a bit odd nominating this game since its actually my least favourate of the series, for a start the codec system in this game is a bit rubbish i mean in previous games in the series the codec had so much depth and half the fun was doing weird things and calling up people to see how they reacted, but in this one you can only call 2 people...and one of them is completely useless (I'm looking at you Rose) and i think the controls from MGS3 were better and i think the game has a bit too much action and not enough stealth. But of course I like it or else I wouldnt be talking about it now, for a start the storyline is as good as ever and Hideo Kojima proves once again that he's the best director of video games ever. some moments that stood out for me were when the ghost of psycho mantis shows up and is defeated by the PS3's lack of memory cards, the epic final boss battle with ocelot, the ending (even though it's so long it feels like it needs an intermission) , rex vs ray etc. But my favourate part is the begining of act 4 where you return to Shadow Moses Island and see the ruined remains of the helipad from MGS1 rendered with the PS3 graphics its just so sad...and then the ending theme from MGS1 plays...BEAUTIFUL
And the winner is: metal gear solid 4...probably...well it did have my favourate gaming moment of the year and thats why the final part of snakes journey is my game of the year.
well thats enough ranting from me for now, stay safe people
p.s. portal has now taken the place of mario galaxy as my 2007 game of the year
p.p.s. cats that look like hitler
- Mood:dorky
yep i've started a blog now
so prepare for a new method of self expresion...kinda like my videos except with more spelling and grammar mistakes
so first things first i'm now out of hospital on a more permanent basis (yay)
with all my christmas shopping still to do...in the week leading up to christmas (boo)
and to further complicate the matter my best friend got me a present this year. now i know what your thinking "lapdog you and your giant penis are talking crazy, what on earths wrong with that?" well i'll tell you , for many years we have had the mutual understanding that we were too cool to get each other presents, which suited me just fine as it save me time and money around the festive period, but now thanks to his entirly selfish purchase of an unbelievably awesome present that he knew i would love, i now have to face the horrible christmas queues and get him something (SELFISH GIT)
and now a few quick reviews
(okay i know after this video alot of you want to know my opinion on Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts but to be honest ever time i go into the game store meaning to buy it i always see something more interesting...i will get it eventually just not right now)
fallout 3 - i would recomend only getting this if you dont have to go to work, school or outside for the next few months, its the kind of game you pick up and think "right i'll just play this for an hour or two" and then when your done realise your wife has had time to run off and and rase a family of bastards with another man in the hope of getting your attention, which in my opinion is the sign of a good game (the playing it for ages without noticing bit not the marrage ruining bit). i suppose the best way to describe this is 'it's like oblivion except fun' dont get me wrong i liked oblivion i just thought the combat and traveling was very tedious i mean once you've seen one piece of ye old english countryside you've seen them all...also fallout 3 has nuklear warheads and assault rifles which make anything better...apart from cake
call of duty: world at war - i sooooooooooooooooooooo wanted to hate this game, i so wanted to see them fail for taking a backwards step from the excellent modern warfare and going back to the ridiculously overused world war 2 fps format (i mean why always WW2 why not WW1 or vietnam if you want to have an FPS set in the past?), but unfortunaty world at war is brilliant the gameplay from cod4 remains unchanged and the missions are as exciting as ever, in particular the airplane mission which was as exciting as a fist fight with a grizzly bear...and the bear can breath fire and the fight is on a rickety old rope bridge over an active volcano...sorry i forgot where i was going with that. so if you enjoyed CoD 4 and dont mind a change of setting the i fully recomend world at war...although i can think of a few ways to improve the next CoD
* bring back Captain Price...or failing that just his moustache
* let us play as the british chuck norris
* put in some portal guns (although i say this about every game that isnt potal)
and now a movie review
mama mia - the fact that this is the christmas best seller makes me sad, iron man we all know it should be you, the plot revolves around some tree timing harlet who had sex with three men and then had a baby not knowing who the father was, then when the three men turn up all claiming to be the father instead of doing the logical thing and going on jerry springer they decide to solve all their problems by singing....two problems with that first none of the cast can sing...in particular pierce brosnan and second all the songs are abba...who are as cheesey as a big bucket of cheese. now i know this movie wasnt made with people like me in mind (if it was it would feature alot less singing and alot more assault rifles and nuklear warheads) but i've also seen alot of chick flicks before and with the good ones i can at least see why people like them but with this i have no idea i mean my little sister loves it but she also loved john tucker must die...i mean john tucker diddnt even die in it which would be like if snakes on a plane diddnt have any snakes or planes in it...well at least it diddnt have pierce brosnan singing bad songs...badly
so final verdict purely one for 13 year old girls and people who are obsessed with abba
well thats all for the first blog TTYL
p.s. before i go unintentionally sexual comic book covers
- Mood:
blank
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